a couple of months ago

Working through my anger in 2000 words or less

I’ve been quieter than usual because I’ve been wrestling with a burgeoning anger, and I’m not yet ready to release it. So I decided to dive right into it head-on, and discuss it openly. Sometimes there’s a satisfaction in anger. Anger is actually a step up from feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, despondency, grief, depression, etc. So I’m giving myself the okay to feel angry, because feelings are made for feeling. I’m angry because my family has suffered this illness due to the carelessness of others. I’m angry because I have three daughters and a grandson on the healthcare front lines. I’m angry at my fellow humans for making things so much worse than they need to be.
 
I was off last week too, and I posted about jumping on the treadmill and dancing in my office, and that worked fine. And then I saw things that just pissed me off.
This feeling of anger is a clear message from my inner GPS to turn my attention away from the events and topics that are feeding it. I don’t need to think about this stuff. The sickies  got better. The frontliners are fine so far. So what if they don’t have enough PPE and are rationed to one mask a day? And I’m angry again. A swing and a miss! I need to look away.
 
“But I can’t look away,” is what I was going to type there. But that would not be honest. I can. I am choosing not to.That’s important for me to know. It’s important for us all to know that we get to choose what we focus on, and we can shift our focus to something far more fun and good and beautiful anytime we want.
 

My fascination

 I am fascinated by the unfolding that is happening before our eyes. I feel like it’s a privilege to be living at this time. I am convinced that we are in the middle of a massive evolutionary leap that is going to change our cultures and societies in a hugely positive way. I know this, because the bigger the problem, the bigger the solution, and the bigger the change required to reach it. And that change has to happen within each of us individually, and tip the balance to change in our cultures, in our world, in our species.
 
I’m not ready to look away. But I’m working on changing the way I am looking at it and also changing the way I’m reacting to it. And also, I’m  looking for information sources that do the same. I’m ready to look away from everything that’s wrong, and instead, to start looking for the change this is creating. 
 
And that act, that act, is what lifts me out of my anger. Mostly. Until I scroll Facebook again. 
 

Look at what we're creating

This virus is holding up a flashing neon sign saying, “Here’s how to heal the planet.” More accurately, “here’s how to speed up the inevitable healing of the planet so that your species still exist to enjoy it.” (That’s a little misleading. We’ll still be here, because consciousness itself is what we are, and consciousness is eternal, and will always create some other way to express and experience itself.)
 
It’s holding up a lot of other signs, too. It’s showing us the value of caring for each other. The preciousness of time with those we love. A mass awakening to the fact that we’ve been putting commerce and finance over life and love for decades in our culture. This event is making us re-examine those priorities. Some want to keep them, arguing an every man for himself type of rationale. Others, myself among them, envision a future where we take care of each other. Where everyone finally gets that the success of one of us is the success of us all. A rising tide lifts all boats, isn’t that the expression? 
 
This period is a time of revelation for our species. Our eyes are opening to the paradigm-shaking revelation that we really are all connected. Globally, Universally connected. No one can deny that anymore, and nobody can look it as just something nice to say. We can’t think of it as kind of nice in theory but opposite of our everyday experience. One person caught one virus, and it has touched every single one of us. We are connected. Really and truly. And our borders are lines we made up, just like our bodies are boundaries we made up. We think ourselves into individuals, but underneath that reality we have created, we are one. 
 

This thing is huge

The farther you draw he bowstring back, the farther your arrow will fly.

We are living an event of great significance, historically, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, anthropologically, evolutionary. And I am finding it hard to look away.

 
I’m like that. If I were in a tsunami, I’d be scrambling for the highest spot with two things in mind. First, survival and second, the best vantage point to witness something so powerful. Not the carnage. Not that, the wave itself. And I’d be trying to figure out its spiritual significance.
 
This is a paradigm shifting event. And no, not just this, not just the virus, the whole thing lately. This whole century or so. I bet Gregg Braden has a lot to say on what cycle we’re in. He studies the repeating cycles of the human experience, among other things, and he’s brilliant. But we’ve had growth, growth, growth, growth. Economies from trading furs and shells to 127.8 trillion dollars in buying power. Technology has gone from sharpening stones into arrowheads, to sending probes to the (perceived) edge of the universe. (There is no edge.) Physical knowledge how to block your cave entrance from predators, to how to build skyscrapers and bridges. Science from “fire hot” to quantum physics. From indigenous tribes to world governments. We are addicted to growth and expansion. It is our nature. It’s our reason for being.
 
But action without alignment doesn’t necessarily get us to our goals. It moves us, but in whatever direction we happen to be looking. So all this expansion hasn’t been aligned expansion. Some has. Actually, a lot of it has, but a lot has been more fueled by disconnection than connection. More from the feelings that well up when we are not in tune with Source. 
 
Source is not looking at this thing as a disaster, but rather as the natural results of where humanity has been focusing. It’s not a punishment or judgment. God is love. It’s just the way this is all designed. Gravity means you don’t fall up. Law of Attraction means you create what you focus on. Also, Source does not view death as any sort of tragic loss, because Source sees better than we do that life does not end. Ever. 
 
So I’m trying to look at this thing more the way Source does. (And the little voice in my head says, “Source isn’t looking at the disease at all, but at the cure, and at the change it is creating.”)
 

I want to keep looking

 
But my newly improved goal is to look for the solutions. To look for signs that point to the the positive changes every challenge must, by natural law, bring. I will look for how I can raise my own vibration to match the new instead of the old, because the more of us who do that, the faster we’ll get there. And I know that every now and then my looking will show me something that pisses me off. I’ll just have to exercise my ability to steer myself steadily away from those. 
 
Sidebar: Do you know the more you interact with a post, the more posts like it Facebook will show you? Facebook’s algorithms do not know or care if you liked the post or hated the post, it’s your attention to the post that trips the trigger. And we comment way more often on posts that make us angry, than we do on posts that do not. So we attract more and more of the posts that make us mad. Law of Attraction works exactly the same way.
 
So, I’m thinking I need to stop focusing on those things I stumble upon that make me angry, so I won’t attract more of them. And I’ll pay more attention to the signs I’m actually looking for, signs of improvement. Stories of human kindness and compassion, of heroism. Stories of triumph and reunion. Stories of medical and societal advances that will improve our lives way beyond this virus’s duration. Telemedicine. Better hygiene. Being more careful with the health of our seniors. Way more people happily working from home. Vast improvements to the environment that I hope we’ll do all we can do to sustain when this is over. 
 
And too, I need to make sure I am not always looking at this. I am aware, just from writing this post that I am working my way through this in print, and that I’m raising my vibration higher in the process. I’m seeing the need to increase the amount of time and focus I spend on things that feel good. Up to now those are cell phone games, binging TV, eating sweets with glorious abandon, (if it’s the end of the effin’ world, I’m gonna have Oreos, okay?) I’ve been doing jigsaw puzzles and coloring mandalas in my grown-up coloring book. (I cannot call them “adult” coloring books. Sounds like I’m coloring porn.)
 
As spring unfolds, though, focusing on fun stuff will get a lot easier, because there’s so much more to focus on, and most of it is far from a blue screen.
When I’m outside it’s like none of it is happening. We have another week of highs in the forties, but the sun is bright and warm, and the sky is luminescent blue. It looks so nice already. The grass is getting shaggy. Soon the temps will warm up and I’ll be out in my bakyard, digging weeds and planting veggies and flowers, or sitting and enjoying the day.
 
Basking in what’s best in our lives right now is a very important part of keeping our spiritual flow open. 
 

In reviewing...

Looking back over this post, I have no idea what my point was. Maybe I didn’t have one. Maybe I just wanted to work through my anger in front of you in case it helps you work through yours. And also because I want you to know I’m just like you. Sometimes I’m really super connected, and sometimes I can get off track and block the flow just like everybody else. 
 
But I can work through it. I know this stuff and have practiced it long enough that my default setting is pretty high. I bounce back faster than I did when it was lower. I just need to think about thing and do the math, so to speak. And I get back to good. 
 
PHEW! I feel better now. 
 
How about you?
 
 
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